Men who are afraid to make a commitment

We often help our patrons with their lifestyle problems and, of course, two most popular categories for asking questions are relationships and health/fitness. We recently helped Cathy, a client of ours from Maine, and are publishing her case since we find that it will be of interest to a broader audience. She wrote, "I am dating a wonderful man who has two teenage children. My children are young adults. He has been separated/divorced for about 2 years. I have been divorced 7 years and my children have met my date. We have been dating 9 months. How long should we wait before introducing the relationship to his children? His divorce was final 2 months ago. He has dated others - non seriously. He is an avoider by nature. Is his time up?"

You write that he has dated others and that is definitely a red flag. When men say that they are not serious about other dates, they are essentially lying. If you are dating someone for nine months, there is no justification for him dating other women at the same time. I do not approve of non-serious dating unless of course both partners agree that they are dating casually since it is hurting you and also hurting all these other women that he is dating. God knows what he is telling the other women. I would not be surprised if he is telling them exactly what he is telling you. (Related: How to put a relationship on hold?)

To me it appears that he is basically still evaluating his options and you are just one of them since he does not feel that you have passed his test to be introduced to his kids. What I find interesting is that you tell us that he is an avoider by nature. (Related article: How to deal with commitment phobic men?)

Looks like he is not ready for a relationship with you yet. If you are convinced that he is the man for you and you would rather wait and show your commitment to him all this time, it is fine to do so while he evaluates his other options. Remember, though, that he might still leave you for someone else. You need to prepare yourself for this - after all life is all about bets and you could either win or lose this one.
(Related: How to make your boyfriend marry you)

You can also thoroughly evaluate your relationship now and take a hard and honest look at him. Is he a long-term type of a guy ? Will his tendency to avoid responsibility and taking action become an issue at some point? Maybe it is time for you too to diversify your risks by non-seriously dating other men. (Related: Friend with benefits)

Remember you have been dating him for 9 months now and so it is no longer right for him to beat around the bush. I am not sure if you guys have been physically intimate already. If so, he needs to give you